5 months of stress to come...

Two projects before I can graduate. Both for friends so I really don't want to screw these up. The first one shouldn't be a problem but my final project for school really requires me to step up a gear. So a bit of stress between shoulders.

The funny thing about stress, at least for me, is that if I do anything else except work I feel guilty. When I should be studying how to program but I'm chatting I feel guilty. When I'm with my friends eating a bit longer than I need to I feel guilty and start worrying. When I'm reading magazines instead of trying to invent a good idea for my project I feel unease. Worrying leads to frustration, frustration leads to fear and fear leads to suffer, or how did Yoda say to Luke..

I know that by pushing yourself your're suppose to learn new stuff and become a better person etc. But what's the point if you get ulcer, sleep deprivation and red eyes. I guess not being interested of any sport at the moment doesn't help. But hey this is the Finnish style of living and there is no room for complaining. Perform, perform, perform..

I wonder why Finns suffer from depression and heart attacks and high blood pressure... And please don't say reason for alcoholism is our low price of beer. That's just stupid!

I've got two other projects, a bit smaller ones, and they are going to be part of my weekly routine. First I'm going to feel guilty for writing to my blog when I should be studying and the second is that I'm going to get drunk on saturday. Those will be the 12 hours when I'm not going to worry about anything and I'm going to sleep like a log.

EDIT: thing about inventing and creating is that when you do get a good idea it's really a nice feeling. But still "worrying" vs. "nice feeling" -ratio is hard to keep balanced.

EDIT2: For now I'm relieved. I thought of a OK idea that I could work with. Tonight I'm going to sleep without worries. One good idea a day keeps the insomnia away.